I've been pretty slack lately, especially concerning the blog. I hate when that happens. So much for being "more prompt," eh?
So, a whole quarter, was it? Certainly that if not longer.
Well, it's rather a pity to say that I failed the course I was so anxious to get into. Though the failure could be the result of a combination of things that happened throughout, it is still what happened and I have to deal with all the repercussions.
Additionally, I've undertaken the fun task of job hunting. Perhaps it's much less fun than it ought be on account of the down-sliding economy. Left and right potential jobs and businesses that would have offered them are going down. Bankruptcy, debts and all manner of other money problems... All about the money. Unfortunate.
The most noteworthy occurrence in that whole span of time is my engagement to be married. And with each passing day I become more excited and yet terrified. This is some ground I'd never forseen myself stepping toward, let alone into. Yet in the myriad of thoughts and feelings, I can certainly say that I'm looking forward to the day all of this becomes a reality to match or exceed my imaginings. And not just my imaginings, but ours. I have to get used to that.
Though on the flip side, I keep waiting for the rude awakening. It seems almost too fantastic to be real. Well, enough of that. Things will turn out as they will and, for the moment, I'm definitely happy.
Until later, I'm afraid. There's still plenty that needs to be taken care of. However I will not neglect my fond and always heartfelt Godspeed and adieu until next time.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Overall Mindlessness
Title practically says it for this one. Having a few hours interspersed with one or two plays at a time of MSI's (Mindless Self-Indulgence) Shut Me Up tends to make the brain want more. Though for some reason it's oddly addictive at the moment.
A moment...
Better; Samsas Traum's Ein Name im Kristall to reinforce my belief in refreshment via German Gothic rock.
Less than a week remains of my ill-spent monthlong "Summer Break". It was a respite badly needed, though I think I've become lazy and undisciplined all over again--a thought leading me to wonder just how disciplined I ever am.
A week of it was spent well enough, though I think I've learned that the essence of camping is the chance to break away as one would during any kind of sabbatical. Some could say, however, that there were at least two major faults, perhaps three.
The first is, of course, that one has to break away completely. This includes leaving loved ones and all else at the door, jumping into the car/truck or mounting your bike and just starting off. The best escape is when one goes to their place alone. Needless to say having family members constantly bickering and bitching like adolescents quickly disrupts the purpose.
The second is that the person must be in their proper element. Mine is the woods, especially in mountainous areas. For some it could just be a rooftop or something as far as another country or skiing/snowboarding down some amazing slopes. This time, though, was spent at a beach. To this freak, there is no element more naturally opposite.
And the third is one must be able to meditate properly. The whole point of escapes and sabbaticals is in this point. There's many a thing I would and could have meditated about if I weren't so busy following the family in many a pointless pursuit.
I may have to throw Yorrick out the window... and chock full of nitroglycerin. The plasticised bastard is mocking my minor of misfortunes. Reminds me of a friend or two that I need to pick a bone with later (pun fully intended).
But until later I bid a farewell and Adieu. I shall be much more prompt in future entries, I'm sure.
A moment...
Better; Samsas Traum's Ein Name im Kristall to reinforce my belief in refreshment via German Gothic rock.
Less than a week remains of my ill-spent monthlong "Summer Break". It was a respite badly needed, though I think I've become lazy and undisciplined all over again--a thought leading me to wonder just how disciplined I ever am.
A week of it was spent well enough, though I think I've learned that the essence of camping is the chance to break away as one would during any kind of sabbatical. Some could say, however, that there were at least two major faults, perhaps three.
The first is, of course, that one has to break away completely. This includes leaving loved ones and all else at the door, jumping into the car/truck or mounting your bike and just starting off. The best escape is when one goes to their place alone. Needless to say having family members constantly bickering and bitching like adolescents quickly disrupts the purpose.
The second is that the person must be in their proper element. Mine is the woods, especially in mountainous areas. For some it could just be a rooftop or something as far as another country or skiing/snowboarding down some amazing slopes. This time, though, was spent at a beach. To this freak, there is no element more naturally opposite.
And the third is one must be able to meditate properly. The whole point of escapes and sabbaticals is in this point. There's many a thing I would and could have meditated about if I weren't so busy following the family in many a pointless pursuit.
I may have to throw Yorrick out the window... and chock full of nitroglycerin. The plasticised bastard is mocking my minor of misfortunes. Reminds me of a friend or two that I need to pick a bone with later (pun fully intended).
But until later I bid a farewell and Adieu. I shall be much more prompt in future entries, I'm sure.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Another Walk In Serenity
Tonight, amid the company of some good friends of mine, I went for a bit of a stomp on some holy grounds. Perhaps it would be better said that the three of us took a walk through Stations of the Cross (the same Catholic garden of which I've spoken on previous occasion). Though there was a much different atmosphere there than usual. To me it felt as if the place had been drained of its otherwise curative sensations. The presence of friends, I know, was not the cause.
Perhaps that last little corner of local serenity has finally become tainted--no good thing can truly last forever when it's that close to the everyday elements. Though it has not only been this particular evening that I felt the change. In fact, the last two times I sought serenity in that place, I have been left feeling even worse than before I had gone.
A pity. A real pity indeed, since a few peaceful moments in a curative environment are in such short supply anymore.
Perhaps that last little corner of local serenity has finally become tainted--no good thing can truly last forever when it's that close to the everyday elements. Though it has not only been this particular evening that I felt the change. In fact, the last two times I sought serenity in that place, I have been left feeling even worse than before I had gone.
A pity. A real pity indeed, since a few peaceful moments in a curative environment are in such short supply anymore.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Where's The Reset Switch On This Thing...?
As you can guess from the title, I'm in need of a serious reset on life right now. There's never enough off time from classes and I never get any "me time" anymore. Sombody's always having to steal my time.
I should probably add that the classes themselves generate none of the real stress I've been feeling lately. I wish I could say I knew so I could get it worked out of my system and concentrate on the more important matters at hand.
On the note of classes, it's certainly a lot more challenging this quarter. I dare say I'll barely make it if I even do. Freakin' deja vu... this is exactly how it happened in Pharm Tech and I don't want that happening again.
I should probably add that the classes themselves generate none of the real stress I've been feeling lately. I wish I could say I knew so I could get it worked out of my system and concentrate on the more important matters at hand.
On the note of classes, it's certainly a lot more challenging this quarter. I dare say I'll barely make it if I even do. Freakin' deja vu... this is exactly how it happened in Pharm Tech and I don't want that happening again.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Long Days
Feels like these days the last few weeks have really been nothing except one amazingly long day divided up into multiple shifts. I could argue that it's due to the lack of ample caffeine in my body--after all, my BCC (Blood-Caffeine Content) has peaked out at under 600mg during any 8-hour time of the day--but that would be seeking excuses. There is, however, a good reason, that being I'm not taking care of myself like I used to.
For the moment I'm keeping the complete insanity at bay by a mix of outlets, though things like Naruto, FanFiction.net, and writing on my old book (which really should've been finished by now) can only last for so much longer.
I love the programming part more than anything else right now. It's a constant challenge for my efficiency, creativity and overall intelligence versus the problems we face in our assignments. But Dear God I could so easily do away with the whole theory aspect of databases! If my brain were meant for theory presented in the language of arrogance-and-jargonese, I'd have no need to even attend this class because I'd already know it all. Consequently, I'd suffer the arrogance that comes with the territory, but at least I'd know it.
I find myself looking forward to the end of the quarter more than anything else for the main reason that I'll get more than the occasional (and insufficient) 3-day weekends and the even less practical 2-day weekends in exchange for 6-to 8-hour days for the remaining five. Though my soul is already on rent for use in the Pit. Makes me think of the old Meat Loaf song Bat out of Hell for some reason:
"Like a bat out of hell
Ill be gone when the morning comes
When the night is over
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone, gone, gone
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
When the day is done
And the sun goes down
And the moonlight's shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven
I'll come crawling on back to you."
Anyway, I shall say my customary, yet always heartfelt, adieu and Godspeed until the next.
For the moment I'm keeping the complete insanity at bay by a mix of outlets, though things like Naruto, FanFiction.net, and writing on my old book (which really should've been finished by now) can only last for so much longer.
I love the programming part more than anything else right now. It's a constant challenge for my efficiency, creativity and overall intelligence versus the problems we face in our assignments. But Dear God I could so easily do away with the whole theory aspect of databases! If my brain were meant for theory presented in the language of arrogance-and-jargonese, I'd have no need to even attend this class because I'd already know it all. Consequently, I'd suffer the arrogance that comes with the territory, but at least I'd know it.
I find myself looking forward to the end of the quarter more than anything else for the main reason that I'll get more than the occasional (and insufficient) 3-day weekends and the even less practical 2-day weekends in exchange for 6-to 8-hour days for the remaining five. Though my soul is already on rent for use in the Pit. Makes me think of the old Meat Loaf song Bat out of Hell for some reason:
"Like a bat out of hell
Ill be gone when the morning comes
When the night is over
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone, gone, gone
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
When the day is done
And the sun goes down
And the moonlight's shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven
I'll come crawling on back to you."
Anyway, I shall say my customary, yet always heartfelt, adieu and Godspeed until the next.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Tonight, Tomorrow, Eternity
Week three and not a great amount of fun. Classes are both fun and boring, but all that means very little to someone who has little brainpower with which to grasp the concepts. I think that even back home Yorick is as yet mocking me, for an empty skull is better by far than one with a presently useless brain.
Damnable!
For the entirety of the week it's been like this. So I'm looking forward to the weekend, some R&R and maybe some good old-fashioned hanging out with some friends. My luck, though, is that I'll try studying (whether or not I get my much-needed rest) and bomb out again.
All the same, here I go...
Damnable!
For the entirety of the week it's been like this. So I'm looking forward to the weekend, some R&R and maybe some good old-fashioned hanging out with some friends. My luck, though, is that I'll try studying (whether or not I get my much-needed rest) and bomb out again.
All the same, here I go...
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Given the Chance
Dug up an old work of poetry today from some dark corner of the computer. Hope it is enjoyed, but even more that it has a special meaning to my readers.
Given The Chance
Tell me Dear Listener, if you can call yourself that
The answers you’d give to this questioning man.
Do you know what it’s like to see people die,
To have to see it every day when you look in their eyes?
No, you probably don’t, because it’s become commonplace
To look at just the top layer, we don’t see past the face
We judge by their looks and then place them in a set
Not even really caring to get to know them just yet
“I can do that later” is the excuse we make
Not realizing the course we just decided to take
The Path of Destruction has just been set
And now that person’s dying without our regret
Tell me now, Listener, if you are still hearing me,
How many times have you answered the cry from somebody
Who probably needed you right at that time
To sit down and talk to them—it isn’t a crime
To go out of your comfort zone once in a while
And take a risk, just so you can see that person smile?
Tell me now, have you done that at one point today
Or did you turn your back like the rest, and just walk away?
If you did, you’ve just killed someone without trying
But look around you, Listener, there’s hundreds more dying
Can you see them or are they now fooling you
Because you were too busy earlier to lend them a few?
A short moment of time is all that they’d need
To make it through the day and have a chance to be freed
From an earlier burden they were forced to take
Because nobody bothered a short moment to make
At least for them, but instead for those within their comfort zone?
What will happen, though, when you one day find yourself alone?
That question I cannot answer, because the choice is not mine to make
But rather yours, Dear Listener, this is probably your last chance to take
The initiative to improve a life or two with just a moment of time
And who knows… those people you help may save you from dying
We are all here for a reason, I suppose
If I knew mine, to that occasion I’d have rose
But for now, Dear Listener, I’ve spoken my peace
And I hold out hope that these divisions will cease
-MALP
Given The Chance
Tell me Dear Listener, if you can call yourself that
The answers you’d give to this questioning man.
Do you know what it’s like to see people die,
To have to see it every day when you look in their eyes?
No, you probably don’t, because it’s become commonplace
To look at just the top layer, we don’t see past the face
We judge by their looks and then place them in a set
Not even really caring to get to know them just yet
“I can do that later” is the excuse we make
Not realizing the course we just decided to take
The Path of Destruction has just been set
And now that person’s dying without our regret
Tell me now, Listener, if you are still hearing me,
How many times have you answered the cry from somebody
Who probably needed you right at that time
To sit down and talk to them—it isn’t a crime
To go out of your comfort zone once in a while
And take a risk, just so you can see that person smile?
Tell me now, have you done that at one point today
Or did you turn your back like the rest, and just walk away?
If you did, you’ve just killed someone without trying
But look around you, Listener, there’s hundreds more dying
Can you see them or are they now fooling you
Because you were too busy earlier to lend them a few?
A short moment of time is all that they’d need
To make it through the day and have a chance to be freed
From an earlier burden they were forced to take
Because nobody bothered a short moment to make
At least for them, but instead for those within their comfort zone?
What will happen, though, when you one day find yourself alone?
That question I cannot answer, because the choice is not mine to make
But rather yours, Dear Listener, this is probably your last chance to take
The initiative to improve a life or two with just a moment of time
And who knows… those people you help may save you from dying
We are all here for a reason, I suppose
If I knew mine, to that occasion I’d have rose
But for now, Dear Listener, I’ve spoken my peace
And I hold out hope that these divisions will cease
-MALP
Monday, April 14, 2008
I Do... Not: Why Marriage?, Pt. II
I don't know why I'm thinking about this as much as I have recently, but I have and still do.
But this segment isn't in existence to weigh the pros and cons of married life (something I heretofore know nothing about from experience), rather to consider, and possibly vainly, but one aspect about it: children.
Fairly all who have spoken with me on the subject know that I don't want kids. But not even half know why. You, my readers, will have the distinct advantage. It seems odd to think that strangers will know one thing better of me than many of my own friends, but in the grand scope it matters not. Let us think of ourselves in this sense, then, as folks in the cafeteria at work or school together who merely wish to make conversation and have happened upon this subject in some eventuality or another.
I imagine this subject comes to mind consistently because of the many walks I've been taking lately through a certain Garden near my home. By no means is it anything like what I'd imagine Eden to be, yet it is beauty and serenity in an enclosed space. Some fine Catholic folks find it necessary to keep such a place among the rowdy and virulent that surround them, but I couldn't appreciate it more, personally. It finds ways to be thought-provoking, either the beauty itself or the fact that the Stations of the Cross has many a shrine or memorial--whichever word better suits my readers' preference--to various purposes.
There has been lengthy enough an introduction, and now for the subject itself:
The memorial in particular that haunts me with each visit is the memorial to the unborn. In that place also it asks the angels of God to keep watch over the souls of said unborn. It haunts me because I know how fortunate those souls are that they have never had to see the bitterness of life. Yet at the same time they have not seen its joys. It leaves my serenity unsettled every time as of late, but I am quiet.
With everything that this world is, what it stands for, and what will corrode it even more, why would any want to bring another soul into it? It seems cruelty in itself to subject innocence to the proverbial "powers that be." I'm not suggesting by any means for those with children to neglect or discard them, nor am I meaning to discourage those who would ever wish to have children. I only reason aloud--rather in writ--for the sake of reason itself. And I present here my present views because I believe I should and I would invite others to reason here or anywhere else because we are intelligent individuals.
Class calls me now, readers. So I wish all of you Godspeed and say again a fond "Adieu."
But this segment isn't in existence to weigh the pros and cons of married life (something I heretofore know nothing about from experience), rather to consider, and possibly vainly, but one aspect about it: children.
Fairly all who have spoken with me on the subject know that I don't want kids. But not even half know why. You, my readers, will have the distinct advantage. It seems odd to think that strangers will know one thing better of me than many of my own friends, but in the grand scope it matters not. Let us think of ourselves in this sense, then, as folks in the cafeteria at work or school together who merely wish to make conversation and have happened upon this subject in some eventuality or another.
I imagine this subject comes to mind consistently because of the many walks I've been taking lately through a certain Garden near my home. By no means is it anything like what I'd imagine Eden to be, yet it is beauty and serenity in an enclosed space. Some fine Catholic folks find it necessary to keep such a place among the rowdy and virulent that surround them, but I couldn't appreciate it more, personally. It finds ways to be thought-provoking, either the beauty itself or the fact that the Stations of the Cross has many a shrine or memorial--whichever word better suits my readers' preference--to various purposes.
There has been lengthy enough an introduction, and now for the subject itself:
The memorial in particular that haunts me with each visit is the memorial to the unborn. In that place also it asks the angels of God to keep watch over the souls of said unborn. It haunts me because I know how fortunate those souls are that they have never had to see the bitterness of life. Yet at the same time they have not seen its joys. It leaves my serenity unsettled every time as of late, but I am quiet.
With everything that this world is, what it stands for, and what will corrode it even more, why would any want to bring another soul into it? It seems cruelty in itself to subject innocence to the proverbial "powers that be." I'm not suggesting by any means for those with children to neglect or discard them, nor am I meaning to discourage those who would ever wish to have children. I only reason aloud--rather in writ--for the sake of reason itself. And I present here my present views because I believe I should and I would invite others to reason here or anywhere else because we are intelligent individuals.
Class calls me now, readers. So I wish all of you Godspeed and say again a fond "Adieu."
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I Do... Not: Why Marriage?
Got a short moment in the middle of my third day of class and a strange thought came to me about how often I'm approached about marriage.
Good Lord, I don't know how many times a month (sometimes even a day) that my friends and parents will get after me about getting hitched! In the case of a few of my friends, however, it's much less about getting married and much more about getting laid. As I've said in the past, I don't think I'm much of a marrying type. And I sure as heck am not promiscuous like James Bond (though there's times, I'll admit, that I probably wouldn't mind getting in on that action).
After briefly mulling it over, I know I'm nowhere near ready to be a husband. I've still got too much I need to sort out from a past relationship now three years over. That on its own will get in the way of a much less gravitational relationship, another problem I am not willing to deal with at the moment.
Maybe I will take the "casual sex" option. There's a chance that'll clear my head. And that I do need right now.
Godspeed, y'all.
Good Lord, I don't know how many times a month (sometimes even a day) that my friends and parents will get after me about getting hitched! In the case of a few of my friends, however, it's much less about getting married and much more about getting laid. As I've said in the past, I don't think I'm much of a marrying type. And I sure as heck am not promiscuous like James Bond (though there's times, I'll admit, that I probably wouldn't mind getting in on that action).
After briefly mulling it over, I know I'm nowhere near ready to be a husband. I've still got too much I need to sort out from a past relationship now three years over. That on its own will get in the way of a much less gravitational relationship, another problem I am not willing to deal with at the moment.
Maybe I will take the "casual sex" option. There's a chance that'll clear my head. And that I do need right now.
Godspeed, y'all.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Another Day... So Where's My Dollar?
Work at Pier 1 is over now. For the better? For the worse? I don't know and right now I'm too numb to care. Yorick is trying to give me encouragement, but frankly what kind of encouragement can a skull, plasticized or not, give a mortal? Though with classes coming up--and them being the cause of my latent unemployment--I don't have time to wonder on it all that much and really no reason to bitch about it. What is is and what isn't isn't. I just have to keep going and do what I can.
Changing gears from depressing and mind-numbing topics, it's going to be interesting what kind of Computer Programming speciality to get into. I've been thinking of trying to dual or even triple specialities. That'd serve a good dual-purpose: increase my knowledge base, making my programming skills more versatile, and it would make me more marketable after I get certified. First things first, though. I have to get my feet wet instead of just diving headfirst. That could be troublesome.
Changing gears from depressing and mind-numbing topics, it's going to be interesting what kind of Computer Programming speciality to get into. I've been thinking of trying to dual or even triple specialities. That'd serve a good dual-purpose: increase my knowledge base, making my programming skills more versatile, and it would make me more marketable after I get certified. First things first, though. I have to get my feet wet instead of just diving headfirst. That could be troublesome.
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